"Adjusting" back to the U.S.

Exactly two weeks have passed since I’ve left Sevilla. I’d like to say that I’m feeling better, but it’s not by much. I think I was better prepared for adjusting to Spanish lifestyle, but I was not ready whatsoever for returning back here.

I honestly don’t think I’ve felt a pain such as this kind, which I dub “Spain sickness.” It’s like homesickness, but my “home” has been Sevilla for the past year, which I had become so deeply attached to.

These days have been rough. I feel bad for my family and my friends because I keep whining about how much I miss Spain. “Ugh! Why must I drive everywhere to get somewhere?!” “I miss tortilla de patata!” The first week I spent most of my time in bed. I swear I cried at least once every day. I didn’t have much to keep me busy, so I spent too much time in my head, overthinking, wishing how I was doing this and that.

This week I returned to school to start working. I work for a government-funded program called Study of the U.S. Institute of Women’s Leadership as a student program coordinator. I love this job, but I already foresee future pain. Haha, I don’t mean to sound so drastic, but I’m about to spend the summer with twenty women from the MENA (Middle East and North Africa) region. If it’s anything like last summer, I will make good friends only to have to say goodbye to them and cry some more! Another heartbreak waits. Back to the main point, I’m feeling a bit better since I’m busier during the first half of the day. However, I notice this pattern where I get extremely sad around 6 PM, and it’s so strange. I’m not sure why my body does it because in Sevilla I never did something specifically at that time. It’s concerning to me, but I can say overall things are okay. I’ll have to look up symptoms of “coming back to the US after a year abroad.”

I’m also suffering from FOMO a.k.a. fear of missing out. As I’ve mentioned previously, I made friends in Sevilla, and some of them live there. When I see them on Snapchat or other social media, they’re having fun in Sevilla … without me. I know I probably sound crazy and overdramatic to someone who hasn’t felt similarly, but it’s hard to just go back to the way my life was before going to Spain. I don’t know how to just accept being here.

The present is my reality and being in the States is where my life really is. I do love my school, and I love being home. Time will pass, and hopefully I can get to my normal self again. I miss you so much, Sevilla.

P.S. Put this picture of my dog as my main picture because he had posed how I've felt these past two weeks (makes me laugh a bit)