Reflecting on 2018

I began the year at home with family but soon afterwards I returned to Spain, hungry to learn more about this beautiful country that I barely tasted my first semester abroad. One of my goals while studying abroad was to really learn Spanish, and I am happy to say that I did. I studied every single day while I was on winter vacation, afraid that I would lose it when I returned. However, I came back and was able to speak with much more ease. My second semester I feel like I came to understand the essence of Spanish culture. Though I do not think I will ever be on the same level as a native speaker unless I were to spend 2+ years in a Spanish-speaking country, I feel confident that I have gained an upper hand at Spanish. Thankfully, I continued my Spanish major with two more classes this semester. However, now that I am not actively practicing vocabulary, I’ll find myself forgetting random words, so tengo que practicar más ahora.

Apart from my language acquisition, I traveled to new places outside of Spain like Belgium, Portugal, and my favorite place, EGYPT. Seeing my dear friends Sandy and Leila from the previous summer working the Study of the United States Institute Program was such a delight! Instead of me being the cultural ambassador, this time they showed me Egyptian lifestyle. Besides seeing all the beautiful sites of Egypt like the pyramids, I honestly believe that the best part was spending time with Leila’s family. Her family treated me like another daughter, and I will always remember their love and kindness. We struggled to communicate since I am not an Arabic speaker, and her parents spoke basic English. My time in Egypt made me really want to learn Arabic.

Funnily enough, during the summer of my return to the United States I started to teach myself Arabic online. Somehow, I made my way through the alphabet, but as my life got busier I did not put time aside to study it. Learning a language on your own is such a challenge especially if it doesn’t have the same alphabet. I had such high hopes at the beginning of the summer, but I look at myself now and laugh! I did get to practice some speaking skills with the women who came again this summer for the SUSI program. To reiterate, as a student program coordinator, I work for the SUSI program on global women’s leadership. I help organize the day-to-day schedule of the twenty women from Egypt, Iraq (and Kurdistan), Jordan, Lebanon, and Tunisia. Besides that, I act similarly to a resident assistant and help them adjust to American life. They are beautiful, amazing leaders in their own countries. Every year that I have worked it (twice now) has been a new experience, and I am determined to visit all of their countries within the next two years.

The start of my final year of college was quite a challenge. Since I spent the entire year abroad, my workload was much lighter compared to a regular school year at Saint Mary’s. Returning to the busy, fast-paced lifestyle of the United States was jarring to say the least. I frequently thought how did I do it before??? In addition to that, reverse culture shock was something I did not think about prior to going abroad, and it hit me BAD. I just kept questioning everything. For example, I became so accustomed to eating with my host mothers and my house mate my second semester, that I felt so lonely eating in the dining hall by myself. Most of my close group of friends used a new meal plan where they would not frequent the dining hall as much, and then just being a student sometimes your schedule doesn’t align with those you normally hang out with. On top of that, I felt isolated being an RA when all of my friends lived in a different building. I didn’t talk about it as much with others because I honestly feel like no one really wants to hear about that. I cried a lot about random things that just reminded me of Spain too. I thought I was depressed to be frank because never have I ever felt such an emptiness in my heart. I missed my friends, my host family, and the city itself so much. To combat this, I decided to do a meditation class to help out with this. Perhaps, I would gain some sort of awareness again, which in the end I think it did help. I threw myself into my work, and I also started looking for opportunities abroad for after graduation thinking that would be my goal for the end of senior year.

As time passed, I began to feel normal again. I don’t feel as lonely, but I still find myself comparing a lot of things which I guess I can’t help after being abroad for so long. I struggled to maintain balance keeping up with a social life, academics, and my own health. I wasn’t sleeping as much which is clearly not good, and I think it had a serious impact on my mental health. I remember a number of classes where I was struggling to remain awake. I had so many papers due at the same time, and I didn’t know how to manage all of that anymore! I think by the middle of the semester, I decided I really needed to take a break. I stayed home for fall break and got ahead of assignments which was beneficial. I slept more, I ate healthier, and I tried exercising more. By the end of the semester, I felt much better, and my good grades were maintained. Yay!

As graduation looms closer, I have been looking at several positions, all in different countries. I just heard back from the Meddeas program in Spain, and I have been accepted to teach English there! I am also waiting to hear back from the Fulbright program. I applied for an English teaching assistantship in South Korea, and I should hear back in January. I am also going to apply for an internship opportunity in Cairo, and hopefully I could return to learn Arabic and see my friends again. I may be applying to teach English in France as well. If all else fails, I’ll apply for the Peace Corps most likely.

Overall, 2018 was period of growth and honestly the best year yet. The year started out with a bang and, though it didn’t stay like that, I will be returning to Spain for winter vacation to start 2019. I am so excited to be back and see all my friends again!